1. Name: honora
3. Location:rochester, ny
4. Your loss(es):my dad
5. Age when you lost your parent(s):19
6. Age of Parent(s):62
7. Cause of Death(s):kidney failure/bleeding
8. What do you wish to accomplish with being a member of Parent_Loss? just somewhere i can go where someone understandsand to help peole as much i can.
9. Memorable Traits about your Parent(s) you would like to share? just...thats so hard to answer...he was my everything. i was abused by my mother my entire life, and he never...he never left. he always tried to stop her from hitting me, whenever he could. at any given moment. he was always good to me.
i was just lookin for somethin like this...
had memories of him...
mostly christmas stuff. getting the tree and decorating it and stuff. consequently, preparing for the christmas concert at my school sucks. because everytime i sing lately ( last 2 months or so) i cry because i miss him.
he used to take me to mc.donald's, basketball practice in saturday mornings, the beach, he taught me to swim. he'd always pick me up from scohol when could and take me for pizza and/or chuckie cheeses. i didnt ask for much, but i got whatever i wanted with him. my mother tormented him, like she did me. so i feel...a lot of guilt. i feel the obligatory 'if he woulda left he woulda had a better life and he might still be here.' but he didnt leave. my parents didnt get seperated til i was 16. and i *still* had a relationship with him. we went for a few months without really being in contact, and looking back; it was upsetting that my mother didnt try to at least ask me if i had talked to him. i was in high school..and i just. its like a whole 2 years is a blur because he was drinking alot, and living in new jersey/coming into brooklyn for things...im thankful for the tme i had with him. ( including almost 3 months to the day that he passed away).but it juts hurts sooo bad. even all this time later. there's somedays its an open wound, and some days its like i seriously and honestly forget that its happened.
thanks for listening. andim glad i read the guidelines. lol. im irish. i''m irish with four psych disorders due to abuse. i curse like a sailor ;) lol. but of course i will refrain from doing so here.