daughterofcarol (daughterofcarol) wrote in parent_loss,

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I almost made myself cry today

Today at the gym I was without a gym buddy due to her crazy work schedule and new boyfriend. This has become a regular occurrence for the past month. And while I was on a machine working on my legs I thought to myself, "If my mom was still here she'd be the best workout buddy. She wouldn't be able to keep up with me, but she'd keep me going." And I saw a mother and daughter together on the elliptical machines and imagined my mom and I together gossiping and sharing MP3 players because I just downloaded a song she wanted.

For a minute I was lost in the what could have been. Then reality hit and I remembered that I'll never have anything like that with my mom and I nearly started crying right there at the gym. But I sucked it up and used it all to fuel the rest of my strength training and my 40 minutes of cardio.

It's been 9 years and I still have moments where I want to cry like a baby or hit things because she's gone. I can't say it's gotten better, but I can say that I've gotten better at dealing with it.
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