lmg633 (lmg633) wrote in parent_loss,


1. Name: Leanne
2. Age:35
3. Location: Sydney, Australia
4. Your loss(es): My Mum at age 5 and Dad at age 32.
5. Age when you lost your parent(s):1 above
6. Age of Parent(s): Mum - 37 and Dad - 67
7. Cause of Death(s): Mum - accidental overdose of sleeping/anti-anxiety meds, Dad - Emphasemia/respiratory failure.
8. What do you wish to accomplish with being a member of Parent_Loss?  To be somewhere where someone one understands.  I often feel a bit stupid that I am still devistated that I lost my Dad. 
9. Memorable Traits about your Parent(s) you would like to share?  I can't remember my Mum which is a huge loss for me. My Dad was a larrikin and heaps of fun.  He was open to people and helping people even though he had nothing.

I first lost my Mum just before I turned 5, she was only 37.  I can not remember much about her except teaching us to march - left, right, left, right, in our back yard.  I have spent a life time not knowing who my Mum is.  Dad would never speak of her.  I feel like I have missed half of me.  I didn't know her family, no sisters, brothers, aunts or grand parents.  She is a mystery to me.  I used to hate it at school how kids would talk about their Mums and how teachers would refer to 'Mum's'.   Growing up I was told she died of a heart attack.  It was hidden that she suffered from anxiety and had problems with prescription medication addiction.  I finally got her death certificate and it said she had an accidental overdose on chloral hydrate.  In the coroners report it said it was Nos or something like that, which is a band substance now as it was highly addictive.  I am not sure what happened really as Dad would not talk about it.  He denied how she really died until I got a copy of her death certificate. I only got the coroners report after he died and he is not hear to answer my questions.  I also found out that Mum was adopted, so I have been searching for her real family.

My Dad, was my best friend.  He and I are very much a like - open, friendly, willing to help people.  He was a character.  He liked to laugh, talk, tell stories, shit stir.  He was very down to earth.  I miss him so much.  LIfe is just not as much fun without him.  I don't know who I am without him.  He helped define who I am.  Dad raised both myself and my brother on his own.  It wasn't easy, but he did alright.  He gave us a good life.  Different.  He died 3 years ago from respitatory failure due to emphaesemia.   I watched him slowly wither away. It was hard to see such a vibrant man full of life decline into a shadow.  I miss his laugh, the little twinkle in his eye and the warmth of his cuddles. 

His eulogy I wrote in a journal entry: lmg633.livejournal.com/1134.html 

I felt enormous guilt over feeling more remorse for Dad passing than I ever did for my Mum.  But I never knew my Mum.

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