I am so UNBEARABLY angry at my father for the way he has behaved since my mothers death and for his choice for my mothers "replacement" that it is eating me up inside. This anger has been building for almost 7 years and it resides in a dark horrible place inside me and I have no idea what to do with it. If I tell him why I am angry I will undoubtedly lose him forever and then I will really feel like an orphan, even more so than I feel now. The fact that he never grieved for my Mother and instead moved that woman into my mothers home, my mothers bed, 3 weeks after my mothers death is so insulting to my mother, to the concept of marriage, to love, to the term soulmates!! I will never believe in love again because of him. I stood quietly by, defended him even because he "loves" this second rate excuse for a woman. My family fell apart, chose sides and I stuck with him. Almost my entire family disowned me because of that. And now I realize that I chose the wrong side and I am left without a family. My father barely speaks to me anymore because she knows I don't like her and he had to choose sides. And the stupid thing is we all pretend that its not happening. I spend holidays alone because of that woman. She has single handedly torn apart my family from the inside out. And she doesn't even care. My hatred for her and my anger at him feels like a thick black poison pulled from somewhere so deep inside, I had no idea I was capable of feelings this evil.
Sorry if this is ranty and rambly. I just couldn't sleep and had to try and vomit up some of this awful black anger.