3. Location:London, UK
4. Your loss(es):My mum, and My dad
5. Age when you lost your parent(s):23 and 25
6. Age of Parent(s):59 and 66
7. Cause of Death(s):Mum; left ventricular hypertrophy leading to left ventricular failure (heart failure) and Dad; Lung cancer
8. What do you wish to accomplish with being a member of Parent_Loss? The ability to discuss and adust to my mothers passing. I put my grief off as I became a caregiver to my father, I am trying to face it and need a forum to share with others who have an inkling of what I am going through
9. Memorable Traits about your Parent(s) you would like to share? My mum was literally loved by all, she broke her back for all around her, my fiance heard my cousins talking of her and was impressed with how they all loved her, my dad was called the professor by his family, he wanted to teach everyone about his passions, even if you weren't into what he was passionate about. They were both wildly intelligent and remain to this day something very hard to live up to.
I really miss my mum, in October it will be five years. I keep replaying the night she died in my mind. I seem stuck there at times. How my last words were: "I will never leave you alone" or how she just dropped to the ground and the half open eyes staring vacantly into the mid distance. I will never forget how scared I was, how I ran through all the possibilities for her being brought back, or how after nearly an hour I gave up. Or how my father kept saying it wasn't supposed to be like this, that he was supposed to go first. Or the sweeping lonliness Ihat vcrept in and never left.
Even now I have this horrific feeling of just wanting her back, wanting the laughter and the pranks and the in jokes and the fun and the eyeing up of actors and comparing views on them, or listening to music or singing for her. Everytime I think of it all my heart breaks all over again.
My father died of Lung cancer, less than 2.5 years later, there is still a part of me that can not comprehend it all. I found him on the 9th of April having had a stroke, I had thoght that night that he hwas having odd dreams and such. I took him to the hospital and was told he had tumours in the lungs and the liver, that it had gone to the bones and responsible for his stroke, a week later after being told by social housing that I would be homeless once my dad had ceased breathing, he died. I have no siblings and was for all intents and purposes homeless. I keep wondering what he thought in his last days. he had no way to communicate.
I really want them back.
Thank you for listening to me prattle on.